How many times have you started a new relationship and you think to yourself “wow, this is great. He is amazing, he ticks all the boxes! He is so different to my ex and he might actually be the one”. You have so much in common and you love spending time with each other, the honeymoon period is filled with fun and excitement. It might be a few weeks or a few months but you both eventually get comfortable and then he starts to trigger you!. You start to notice the little things that just didn’t seem to be there at the beginning. What’s changed?
It’s happened again – it’s like I’m dating my EX
You say to yourself…‘’I just don’t understand what happened? Where did this start to go wrong again? I didn’t see any of this when we first started dating. It all seemed to be going so well, he said all the right things, he did all the right things”. Maybe you get the note pad out and start writing a list of his pros and cons to try and figure out what’s happening. On the upside he’s caring, kind, considerate, intelligent, good looking, fun to be around and he has a great sense of humour. On the down side he’s judgmental, rude, inauthentic, self-absorbed and self-centred. You realise you never receive any compliments anymore; the cute text messages have stopped and you’re almost certain you spotted a dating app on his phone the other day.
What’s really going in this relationship?
When we first start dating someone new we don’t notice the real person – we put them in the perfect man suit. We think they are amazing and then when we get comfortable we ‘notice’ all of the things that are wrong with him. These things that we notice are NOT what’s wrong with him, they are our projections. In other words he is just triggering things that are inside me that I need to look at. So before you move onto the next relationship where you keep carrying your stuff with you then you need to be looking inside. Otherwise you will continue to find the issues in him and go on repeating this pattern in all of your relationships. Almost everyone has had this experience with a new relationship before but we don’t notice what we are doing. We always point the finger at him instead of pointing it back at ourselves first. When we say he is judgmental, rude, inauthentic, self-absorbed and self centred – we need to ask ourselves and ask “where am I being those things?” This isn’t the other person’s version of judgmental or rude and so on – its mine. When we get triggered by these things in someone else it’s important to look inside first.
Start looking inside not outside
If you’re ready to work on the things that you take from relationship to relationship such as your negative self-talk and your limiting beliefs (I’m not good enough, I’m not pretty enough, I need a man to make me happy, I need someone to love me) it’s time to talk to Robbie at New Vibe Energetics.
Sessions with Robbie can help you by facilitating you towards a much healthier way of thinking and being. He has helped many of his clients find their true purpose and find the peace and joy that is inside so they can be a contribution to a relationship. For more information Get in Touch with us today.